Saturday, June 15, 2013

Naked. naked.

This is a post about how some idiot ran around the halls naked during my shift at the hotel.

So it was my Thursday night shift about 2am when I got a phone call from a bunch of drunk guys who were trying to find their way back after a night of drinking. They asked me if we had a shuttle, and when I told them no, the guy on the phone said, "Well how about you? You want to make some extra money?" I let him know I was the only one there and couldn't leave the property, and then gave him a number to the local cab company.

I went back to the laundry room where I was folding towels and thought nothing more of it.
About 20 minutes later the doorbell was ringing and it was these guys showing up, and they were too drunk to figure out how to use their room keys to get in. I went out and pushed the little "unlock" button to let them in, and immediately they were draping themselves all over the front desk saying stupid things about what a great night they'd had and how many chicks they'd hit on. And of course they're all referring to me as babe;

"Thanks babe", "You're the best, babe".

Gross. I'm not your 'babe'.

And one of them even had the nerve to say, "If we'd known you were so hot we'd have gotten here even faster!"

So basically they are all huge douchebags.

Just so you can get a clear picture, they were of the Cowboy-Douche variety. So they were all about my age, though one of them looked much younger...not even drinking age though I suppose he must have been 21....and they were all wearing pea green or tan or plaid button-ups and a couple had cowboy hats and they all had really mangy disgusting unkempt facial hair. Not sexy. Not even remotely attractive in any way.

So many good memes on the internet today! :D 
Oh, and I forgot to mention that although they were all white guys, they kept calling each other the N word and also dropping the F-bomb after just about every word they said.
They were absolutely disgusting people. 

It's moments like this, and ONLY moments like this, that make me dislike my job. Because no matter how repulsive a guest is, they are still a guest and I have to be polite and kiss up to them. 

It's never been harder to fake a smile and keep small-talking than with these jerks.

FINALLY they had me make them new keys (because they'd lost theirs) and gave up and went away to their rooms.

Or so I thought...

I immediately had gone back into the laundry room to keep folding towels, thinking that the worst was over.

Just a little visualization of this; when I'm back in the laundry room I have a huge bin of towels that I prop the door open with so that I can still see the front desk and the front door. So even though I am somewhat out of sight I can see if someone walks up, but I can't see the security cameras from there.

Only a few minute had passed since these guys had gone upstairs to their rooms when I hear laughter and the pounding of feet running up and down the halls.
I kept folding towels and rolled my eyes, just knowing somehow that they were only doing it to get my attention and that as long as I didn't get any noise complaints I wasn't going to go confront them. I was done dealing with these guys.

Or so I thought...

Things quieted down and I felt satisfied thinking that I'd outsmarted them by not coming out and telling them to go away. I assumed they'd just given up and finally gone to bed since it was close to 3!

But no.
No they hadn't.

I heard some noises out in the hall again, along with giggles. I could tell they were doing something sneaky, because they were trying, and failing, to be quiet. I thought, "I should go out and take a look at the cameras and see what's going on."

So I walk back out front and look up at the cameras just in time to see one of the guys, fully naked, walking the hall towards the front desk. And another guy following behind with a video camera.

Naked. So, so naked.

I had about 3 seconds to decide how I was going to handle the situation before the naked guy walked around the corner and straight up to me at the desk.


I told him we had security cameras and he was being filmed and he just said something stupid like, "Uh...I'm really sorry, I just put all of my laundry into the wash and forgot my key, can you make me a new one?"

I told him I could see his friend (who was now hiding around the corner) filming so I knew this was planned, and he needed to return to his room immediately or I would call the cops.
He was still obviously pretty buzzed, so all of his responses were long drawls.

" wasn't planned, I just don't have any clothes."

Watching it on the cameras I have no idea how he was standing there so long or what he was saying. I honestly don't remember, but it was all along the lines of, "I've locked myself out and I'm naked because every piece of clothing I own is in the washing machines." He was in front of me for about a full minute.

I ended up making him a new room key to try and get him to leave and told him several times that he needed to leave or I would call the cops.

He didn't actually leave until I picked up the phone and began dialing the police. Then he took off and  I watched him and his buddies on the cameras head back up the hallway.


I was fuming as I told the dispatcher what had happened and she assured me that cops were on their way immediately. That was nice. I didn't have to wait long.

After I hung up I was shaking with anger and nerves. I was so upset I had to talk to somebody so I called my Front Desk manager Katie who is also one of my besties. I felt so bad because it was 3 a.m., but as soon as I told her what had happened I busted out crying and she said, "I'm on my way!"

She is the best!!

After we hung up I was so humiliated I just bawled, which probably made the cops sympathize even more because I could barely choke out the room number when they arrived. Two of them headed upstairs while a third waited in the hallway in case the guys tried to run down the stairs.
They had sent two cop cars and 4 cops. :) Yay.


The fourth cop tried to get the story out of me and eventually just handed over an accident report for me to fill out. They were all really nice.
Katie arrived and got the security footage rewound so they could watch. It was pretty ridiculous. Turns out the running up and down the halls I had heard had also been naked.
The cops returned from upstairs and said that the guys had admitted to doing it, but said they were a film crew that were filming some sort of documentary. Yeah right. One of the cops said that if footage of the event ever did get made into a documentary that I had every right to sue them for all they are worth. >:)

Ha. Just try me!!

The cops asked if I wanted to press charges-HECK YES!!-and if I wanted the guys kicked out. HECK YES AGAIN!! 

So the cops had them all evicted. :) 
I don't know what all they charged them for (the cops specifically apologized that they weren't able to arrest them. haha. I'm glad they wanted to!), but I overheard them discussing the possible charges and saying that they wanted to hit them with everything they had! :D 


I hope they get fined thousands of dollars, get fired from their job (if indeed it is a real documentary...) and never get hired again. I also hope that they spend the rest of that night in a crappy motel that gave them fleas,  bedbugs and herpes. 

Serves them right!!! 

The end of the story is that Katie was awesome and let me go home early. She is my hero. :) 

I like my job. I like that sometimes crazy things happen to keep it interesting. But I do NOT like it when  some douchebag A-hole guy just assumes that I want to see his junk. Because I don't. I don't want to see that. 

Thanks. Bye. 


  1. To bad you didn't have any pepper spray to hit 'em with. And I bet the Provo police were really excited to have a real crime to deal with. :) - Lauren

  2. Oh my gosh!!!!!!!! Crazy people. I'm glad you kicked them out and i hope they get bed bugs and herpes too!

  3. Gross. Glad you had the satisfaction of kicking them out! I love the cowboy hat meme. Bahah!


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